Holiday Frugality Roundup – Mid-November Edition

Several finance bloggers out there have started to write about the upcoming money-draining season, AKA the holidays:

Trent at The Simple Dollar has Eight tips on kids, Christmas and frugality. One of these we’re already doing (LED lights), others I have plans to do once I have a child that’s old enough (wrapping paper made with child-labour, open-ended toys).

J.D. at Get Rich Slowly has some basic advice on discussing gift exchange plans with family and planning now what you’ll do with any holiday bonuses you may receive. Way to resist those comic books, J.D.

Steve (who you may know from Brip Blap) wrote a useful guest post on what you should think about before giving to charity over at Consumerism Commentary. It covers thinking about what the charity stands for, how it’ll spend your money, how you’ll contribute, and whether you can receive a tax deduction. That last part is US-oriented in Steve’s post, but you can find a link to a listing of charities registered with the Canada Revenue Agency here. You can also find riveting subsections of the Income Tax Act at the CRA site. If you’re from elsewhere a quick search of your country’s tax bureau’s website will probably lead you to a similar listing and set of rules. I’m sure they’ll be every bit as thrilling to slog through as the Canadian ones, so don’t feel left out.

Feel free to add any other holiday frugality tips/links that I've missed in the comments.

Things I shouldn't have read at work

To everyone who is or wants to be a parent,

Read this in your cubicle at work. It's not profane. There's no violence or smut. It's just far too funny to be read in an open office area without sounding like a gibbering idiot whilst trying to stifle laughter. So go ahead and read it at work. I dare you.

Preparation for Parenthood

Thanks to FourPillars and Guinness416 for pointing it out.

Blogs for the financially frightened parent-to-be

I’ve been regularly cruising the blogosphere for a few weeks now and have happily stumbled upon or been lead to several excellent blogs written by financially savvy people who have had children and write about what expenses you may incur when you take the parenting plunge.

Here’s the ones I’ve found so far:

Trent at The Simple Dollar often writes about parenting issues, almost always from a financial standpoint. He even has posts where he’s tallied up the daily cost of having a one-year old, and subsequently a two-year-old. Although it’s from an American perspective, he’s broken down the costs in such a way that it’s easy enough to estimate what each category would cost in your area.

For example, because Canada has universal health care, and Hubby’s and my employers provide dental, drug and other coverage, our costs in that category will be much lower. However, it’s likely that our food, hygiene and entertainment and child care costs will all be somewhat higher than what Trent has to pay in the States. That may change if retailers start lowering their prices on imports to match our currently strong dollar, assuming it stays that way for a decent length of time.

Mike at Quest for Four Pillars has a great series on Baby Expenses. I must admit that I’ve only made it up to Lesson IV: Car Seats and Strollers, but it’s been very helpful, somewhat reassuring, and not-at-all painful so far. It has the added benefit for me of being written by a Canadian. Thanks for the point to the series, Mike. I’ll be reading the rest shortly.

J.D. at Get Rich Slowly has quite a few articles on raising financially savvy kids. A lot of his posts are on trying to avoid marketing aimed at your children. A topic I’ll be reading up on for several years to come, I’m sure.

I’m sure there are plenty more out there, I just haven’t found them yet. If you know of a good one, feel free to let me in on it.

Seven Habits of Highly Successful Fathers

This looks like a wonderful set of habits for a dad. I'm not sure the first one is always wise, but the other six certainly seem to be.

I do have some problems with Habit #1, which is "Keeping Stress to Yourself". I think that in most cases it's a valid rule. No kid needs to be bothered hearing about the day-to-day hassles of work and adult life. They're too busy with their own hassles and childhood traumas.

However, I think kids do need to know what's going on in your life, particularly if it's important. Kids are smart. They're going to pick up when something is bothering you, and if you're not careful, they'll think that it's them.

They also need to have changes in behaviour explained to them. If you're going through financial difficulty or you're reassessing your spending priorities, sit down with them and talk about it at their level in a non-frightening way. They need to know that just because you're purchasing fewer toys for them doesn't mean you love them less, and they definitely need to know something is up before you're all moving into a smaller home because Daddy lost his job. If you and your spouse are having relationship issues, you both need to be mature enough to A) not fight in front of the kids, and B) sit down with them and explain that while Mom and Dad are going through a bit of a tough time with each other, it hasn't got any relationship to how you both feel about them.

I learned a lot from my father about how to behave and react in stressful situations because he'd occassionally come chat with me about problems he was having that might put him in less than his usual good spirits. I still value the laid back way he'd talk through things, which was a nice juxtaposition to my mother's tendency to pretend everything was always peachy until her emotions exploded, often in a random direction.

In any case, I agree Habits #2 through #7 are always a good idea, and that #1 usually is. I also think they're excellent habits for successful moms.

A first-time expectant parent's fear of the unknown - myself

I'm expecting my first child.

I'm not very far along yet; there's still seven months to go. Apart from starting to have a look at our financial situation, I haven't done any of the things that expectant parents do to prepare for the birth of their child. I haven't painted the nursery (AKA the soon-to-be-former guest room). I haven't picked out the perfect crib/carseat/receiving blanket yet. I haven't bought the toys or books I'll need. I haven't even told the prospective grandparents about their impending grandparentosity yet.

That doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about all those things. I've checked out how much diapers cost. I've started thinking about paint colours. I've been to ToysRUs and strolled through the aisles looking at all the stuff I may or may not need. I've been frightened by the fact that I couldn't identify something that was hanging off of every crib in the store. It only served to enhance the knowledge that I have deep down inside me that I can't possibly be ready for this.

I'm not mature enough. I'm not responsible enough, and if I can't even figure out what that...that thing on the cribs is for how could I ever have thought I'd be smart enough for this?

Okay. Deep breath. I can do this.

I believe I'm experiencing the fear that every parent-to-be has no doubt felt since our species became capable of (ir)rational thought. The fear that I'll be completely responsible for an utterly dependant human life and that I'll screw it up. I can't predict how I'll react to the situations I'll soon encounter, because I've never been in them before.

Then I read this: Open letter to the family I saw at Target last night, while my sister and I were buying a mop.

The first example in the letter is of a mother who, after her younger child almost runs off into a busy street, spanks him a few times with a Nerf bat. This is the type of thing I'm afraid I will do. That fear or rage or helplessness will make me lose control and I'll do or say something I'll regret.

But the point of the letter, a telling-off of the atrocious parents that the author saw the previous night, actually relieved my fears. Not that I was in any way pleased by what I read. That poor child will grow up brutally in a house full of people that don't care about him, which will have lasting negative implications throughout his life. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially not a child and especially not by his own parents.

No, the reason I was relieved is because I cannot by any stretch of my imagination see myself behaving in a way that approaches this behaviour. I can sympathize with the mother with the Nerf bat. I can laugh at Homer Simpson strangling Bart because they are fictional characters doing things that all of us have at one time or another wanted to do. But I can never, ever imagine telling my child that not only do I not love them, but that no one does.

And I hope that if I ever do behave in such a manner that someone around me will call the police as the author of the letter did, because my child doesn't deserve that. No child does.