Weekend report - The family has been informed

This weekend was fairly productive in one way, and quite unproductive in another.

I spent Saturday morning cooking up a nice lunch for all four of our parents. I winged together a Shepherd’s Pie using beef and Portobello mushrooms in a red wine gravy (alcohol carefully boiled off, extra wine fed to the guests so I wasn’t stuck with an open bottle I can’t drink). It turned out very well and I’ll have to write it down so I can do it again.

I ended up taking the advice of Steve (Brip Blap) and Mike (Four Pillars) and just blurting out that we were pregnant the second they were all together in the living room. I had wanted to have something special prepared for them, but this worked just as well and was a heck of a lot easier.

Everyone was very excited and they had a nice chat reminiscing about Hubby and I when we were babies and what it was like to be about-to-be parents. Let’s just say pre-natal and newborn parenting guidelines have changed significantly since the 70s.

After lunch we phoned our grandmothers. Mine was ecstatic and we spent a good long time chatting about it. Hubby’s said ‘that’s nice, congrats’ and then told him to tell his parents she’d received the parcel she’d been expecting. She’s never been one for letting the little things get in the way of what’s important to her. I found it hilarious (and predictable). Mom-in-law was quite embarrassed, poor thing.

We were then taken out for a very nice steak dinner, where I discovered that 90% of the appetizers are on the ‘no-eat’ list. Pass that bread and water, would you, Steve? The French onion soup seemed safe enough (and was delicious), and I had a very nice (medium, instead of my preferred rare) steak. I had a deep, hearty sniff of Dad-in-law’s after-dinner Port in recompense.

Sunday I’d planned to go and get started on the much-procrastinated Christmas shopping, but I decided to sleep through it instead...oops. Guess that’ll have to be next weekend.

Sharing the news - Help required

So, this Saturday will be a big day in babyland for us.


No, no. I still have more than six months to go on this whole pregnancy train, as my morning sickness reminds me every day. I'm sure my general level of crankiness is what reminds Hubby.

On Saturday we're having both sets of parents over for lunch at our place. Ostensibly it's an apology meal for being so busy lately that we haven't had time to socialize with them (and by busy I mean sick and tired, though not of them). In reality it's the day we've chosen to tell them to expect their first grandchild.

I'm eleven weeks pregnant today, and close enough to the three-month mark to feel fairly confident that all is going well. I'd hoped to have undergone my first ultrasound so that I'd have a visual aid, however my parents are unavailable every weekend after this until Christmas, and the ultrasound isn't until next Tuesday. I'm sure they'd make themselves available if they knew such big news was in store, however that'd spoil the surprise.

Reasons I want to tell them before Christmas:

1) It's going to be increasingly difficult to hide the belly bulge that is beginning to make itself known. My pants are starting to get a bit tight, and for the first time in my life this is not a sign to lay off the crap food because I haven't been eating (much of) it.

2) Apparently I'm such an alcoholic and cola addict that the tip-off sign to everyone who has figured it out so far is that I'm not drinking booze or Diet Pepsi. There is no way I'll be able to find a non-tip-off way out of the wine that accompanies every meal leading up to the holidays at both families' houses. Since we want both sets of parents to find out simultaneously, I can't let them figure it out on their own.

3) I don't want to receive a bottle of my favourite expensive port from my generous in-laws for Christmas. I won't be able to touch it for at least a year (assuming breastfeeding goes well), and having it sit in my wine fridge completely untouchable will just make me cry given my overly-hormonal state these days.

4) I don't want either set of parents to waste money buying brie and blue cheeses just for me to eat over the holidays. You're supposed to stay away from unpasteurized cheese while pregnant, and to have it sitting in front of me...Well, see the statement about the port. Drinking 20-year-old Taylor Fladgate while eating a nice piece of blue cheese is my idea of nirvana. Hmm. Maybe I'll just have that cry right now.

5) I want to tell my far flung relatives about the pregnancy in their Christmas cards. It'll be nice to have a piece of interesting news to share for once, and it'll save on overseas postage and phone calls if I do it all together. However, I can't tell Uncle Mort if I haven't told Dad yet, can I?

6) Some of the friends who know we're expecting have family in the same small town as our parents live. They've been very good about keeping the secret so far, but it's bound to come out over the holidays. And in a small town, once someone knows, everyone knows.

7) This is where I get selfish. I'd like to receive some baby-oriented gifts for Christmas. A gift card from Toys"R"Us will be more useful than one from Best Buy. Sorry Hubby.

So, all four of the parents will be told this weekend. The question remaining is how. This is where I need your help.

If you've had kids, how did you tell your families, especially about the first one? If you haven't but are planning to, how have you dreamed of doing it? Feel free to share your stories in the comments. I need all the ideas I can get.

Things I shouldn't have read at work

To everyone who is or wants to be a parent,

Read this in your cubicle at work. It's not profane. There's no violence or smut. It's just far too funny to be read in an open office area without sounding like a gibbering idiot whilst trying to stifle laughter. So go ahead and read it at work. I dare you.

Preparation for Parenthood

Thanks to FourPillars and Guinness416 for pointing it out.

Student loan issue resolved...at least for now

On the way home from work last night I finally got my husband to open up a bit about how he wants to handle his student loans. Turns out I was mistaken about what issues were driving him in his decisions.

I’m planning on having my student loan paid off by the end of the month. I’m on course to have this done, as I don’t think I’ll have any problem coming up with the roughly $1500 remaining on it out of the four paycheques we still have coming to us this month.

I’d planned on tackling his provincial loan next, which is currently about $4200 and must start to be repaid at the end of this month. I’ve previously written a rant a post about this loan. It has a somewhat lower interest rate than his larger Canada Student Loan (CSL), but it’s less accessible and much more irritating.

I can’t explain exactly why this loan bothers me so much. I think it’s the lack of control. I can’t look it up on the Internet or pull out the last statement to see exactly how much it’s worth at any given time. That drives me nuts. To the point that I want to use some of our emergency fund to pay it back in a lump sum, and then spend several months bringing the fund back up to $5000.

It turns out that my husband’s desire to pay back his larger CSL first was not driven by the larger interest rate, as I’d previously believed, but by the fact that he sees it as an albatross around his neck. The smaller provincial loan doesn’t bother him. He doesn’t see it as a problem or an issue, though he can’t quite explain why. He wanted to use the emergency fund money to make a large inroad into the CSL.

I balked at that. By using the fund to pay off the provincial loan, we’re completely getting rid of a monthly payment which means our absolutely required expenses will go down before I go on parental leave.

Current minimum payments are $50 (my loan) + $58 (provincial loan) + $181 (CSL) = $289. By getting rid of the two small loans, we’ll only be obligated to pay $181 a month.

I had every intention of putting at least $289 a month into the CSL until it’s gone, but I’ll feel much more comfortable if we have the ability to reduce payments if it becomes necessary.

So, we’ve compromised. I think my threat of making him call the Private Bank every month to get his provincial loan’s exact balance tipped the scales. I’m a meanie that way.

We’ll pay off my loan this month. We’ll pay off the provincial loan in full rather than signing up for monthly payments, and we’ll sign the CSL consolidation forms for $400 a month. Once the fund is back up to $5000, I’ll sock any extra money into the CSL.

My most loathed loan will be gone, he’ll see significant decreases in his most loathed loan, and the emergency fund will never drop below $1000. If we have income problems in the future, we can call the Private Bank and have them reduce withdrawals back down to $181.

It’s not perfect, but we can both live with it, and that’s what’s important.

Anyone else discover that they were looking at their debt issues in a completely different way than their partner? Did you resolve it? And if you did, how?

Seven Habits of Highly Successful Fathers

This looks like a wonderful set of habits for a dad. I'm not sure the first one is always wise, but the other six certainly seem to be.

I do have some problems with Habit #1, which is "Keeping Stress to Yourself". I think that in most cases it's a valid rule. No kid needs to be bothered hearing about the day-to-day hassles of work and adult life. They're too busy with their own hassles and childhood traumas.

However, I think kids do need to know what's going on in your life, particularly if it's important. Kids are smart. They're going to pick up when something is bothering you, and if you're not careful, they'll think that it's them.

They also need to have changes in behaviour explained to them. If you're going through financial difficulty or you're reassessing your spending priorities, sit down with them and talk about it at their level in a non-frightening way. They need to know that just because you're purchasing fewer toys for them doesn't mean you love them less, and they definitely need to know something is up before you're all moving into a smaller home because Daddy lost his job. If you and your spouse are having relationship issues, you both need to be mature enough to A) not fight in front of the kids, and B) sit down with them and explain that while Mom and Dad are going through a bit of a tough time with each other, it hasn't got any relationship to how you both feel about them.

I learned a lot from my father about how to behave and react in stressful situations because he'd occassionally come chat with me about problems he was having that might put him in less than his usual good spirits. I still value the laid back way he'd talk through things, which was a nice juxtaposition to my mother's tendency to pretend everything was always peachy until her emotions exploded, often in a random direction.

In any case, I agree Habits #2 through #7 are always a good idea, and that #1 usually is. I also think they're excellent habits for successful moms.

A first-time expectant parent's fear of the unknown - myself

I'm expecting my first child.

I'm not very far along yet; there's still seven months to go. Apart from starting to have a look at our financial situation, I haven't done any of the things that expectant parents do to prepare for the birth of their child. I haven't painted the nursery (AKA the soon-to-be-former guest room). I haven't picked out the perfect crib/carseat/receiving blanket yet. I haven't bought the toys or books I'll need. I haven't even told the prospective grandparents about their impending grandparentosity yet.

That doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about all those things. I've checked out how much diapers cost. I've started thinking about paint colours. I've been to ToysRUs and strolled through the aisles looking at all the stuff I may or may not need. I've been frightened by the fact that I couldn't identify something that was hanging off of every crib in the store. It only served to enhance the knowledge that I have deep down inside me that I can't possibly be ready for this.

I'm not mature enough. I'm not responsible enough, and if I can't even figure out what that...that thing on the cribs is for how could I ever have thought I'd be smart enough for this?

Okay. Deep breath. I can do this.

I believe I'm experiencing the fear that every parent-to-be has no doubt felt since our species became capable of (ir)rational thought. The fear that I'll be completely responsible for an utterly dependant human life and that I'll screw it up. I can't predict how I'll react to the situations I'll soon encounter, because I've never been in them before.

Then I read this: Open letter to the family I saw at Target last night, while my sister and I were buying a mop.

The first example in the letter is of a mother who, after her younger child almost runs off into a busy street, spanks him a few times with a Nerf bat. This is the type of thing I'm afraid I will do. That fear or rage or helplessness will make me lose control and I'll do or say something I'll regret.

But the point of the letter, a telling-off of the atrocious parents that the author saw the previous night, actually relieved my fears. Not that I was in any way pleased by what I read. That poor child will grow up brutally in a house full of people that don't care about him, which will have lasting negative implications throughout his life. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially not a child and especially not by his own parents.

No, the reason I was relieved is because I cannot by any stretch of my imagination see myself behaving in a way that approaches this behaviour. I can sympathize with the mother with the Nerf bat. I can laugh at Homer Simpson strangling Bart because they are fictional characters doing things that all of us have at one time or another wanted to do. But I can never, ever imagine telling my child that not only do I not love them, but that no one does.

And I hope that if I ever do behave in such a manner that someone around me will call the police as the author of the letter did, because my child doesn't deserve that. No child does.